There’s a major important difference between being really in love with someone or just attached to someone’s presence. If you’re having doubts whether you love the person you’re with or their presence became a part of your everyday routine, we’re here to help you decide.
We all know that person who gets involved in a new relationship only days after breaking up with someone and every time we hear the same: ‘I’m in really in love this time’ and we can’t believe it because their previous crush was supposed to be real too.
However, what if it wasn’t a crush? What if it was just the fear of being alone that pushes that person to jump from a relationship to relationship? And you can’t measure love. You feel love. You can’t say every time that this person is the right one because you want it to be right. You have to feel it in your bones and in your soul. And once you do, you can say that that’s true love.
In order to avoid getting involved with the wrong people all the time, before you jump into a relationship, ask yourself: ‘Do I love this person or am I just afraid of ending up alone?’
For those of you who are already in a relationship, no matter if it’s fresh or long-termed, ask yourself: ‘Why do I still love this person?’ If you can’t find any reason, then you don’t.
Also, if you have been thinking about breaking up lately, that’s another indicator that you don’t love the person you’re with because if there’s nothing wrong with your relationship and you want to end it anyway, then you probably don’t feel the butterflies anymore. However, don’t feel guilty or devastated because it’s not your fault. People change, and their feelings change too. We must remember that feelings can’t be constant but can weaken or become stronger, and that depends on the basis of our relationship. Is it build on love or just attachment?
Were you in love with the person when you started dating? Or you dated your current partner because you were bored and lonely? Answer this question and you will realize whether you love your partner or you are just attached to their presence.
In meanwhile, remember the partners you’ve expressed love to and now you can’t even imagine saying the words ‘I love you’ to someone like them? This is another indicator that shows people not always enter relationships because of love but many other reasons related to their emotional state. And that’s their mistake. Although we’re not your love guru, it’s obvious that you weren’t in love with these people but attached to their presence when you felt lonely.
And what about your current partner? Do you love the person you’re with or you’re just attached to their presence? Only you can answer this question but in order to help you decide, we prepared these pointers that show the major important difference between love and attachment.
- Love is passion. Attachment is indifferent.
When you love someone, you feel the fire burning inside you when you see that person. You can be angry, or act sweet but each time, you feel the passion with the butterflies dancing inside your stomach. Only when you feel this way, you can be sure you love the person you’re with.
Attachment, on the other hand, is feeling coldness inside your soul. There’s no fire. Only ice. You can be angry, irritated or hurt by your partner, but it passes fast because you don’t actually care about the person you’re with. You just need the relationship in order to kill loneliness, when in fact the relationship is the one that’s killing your spirit.
- Love is not selfish. Attachment is.
To love is to place your lover’s needs above yours. When you love someone you want that person to be happy and everything you do, you do it with heart. True love is always about the other person and you can’t change that because the wish to fulfill your lover’s wishes is stronger than your own wishes and needs most of the time.
Attachment is selfish and being in a relationship with someone you’re just attached to means taking care only for yourself and your own wishes or needs. You want your partner to always be there for you, support you, please you or benefit you in some other way. And you never do the same in return, not because you’re selfish but because you don’t really care about the person.
- Love is independent. Attachment is an obsession.
You don’t have to be 24/7 with your lover in order to feel loved. You don’t call to ask where they’re at or with whom but how are they feeling because you care. And when you care about someone, you always trust that person, and never doubt their actions.
Attachment, on the other hand, is an obsession. You must call your partner and torture him/her with the typical questions: ‘Where are you?’ and ‘Are you lying to me? Pass your friend on the phone, I want to say hello.’ Really? You want to say ‘hello’ or you want to torture and embarrass your partner in front of his/her friends because you don’t trust him/her? Jealousy and obsession are not signs of love. Trust and freedom are. Period.
- Love is empowering. Attachment is a power struggle.
Love is empowering your partner to spread his wings and reach new heights and by doing that, you prove that you’re prepared to reach new heights together in future. Sharing your dreams and making plans on how to realize them is a part of your daily routine. And you both feel happy, free and pleased while talking about it.
Attachment, on the other hand, is a power struggle because people who don’t love each other for real, and are just attached to one another, don’t want to win together but win separately. Each has dreams and keeps them in private until the day comes when both start walking their own paths.
- Love is endless. The attachment has an expiration date.
Real love has no end and you love the person you’re with no matter what. Even if you survive a breakup or nasty fight, you still love the person because true love is endless and unconditional.
Attachment, on the other hand, has an expiration date because it doesn’t involve real feelings. People can’t grow while being attached instead of being in love, and each beginning of a relationship where attachment overcomes love is already finished at the start.
Are you in love or just attached? Feel free to share with us in the comments.
Reference: I Heart Intelligence