Love can be defined in many ways. More often than not our experiences with someone can either make us love or hate someone. Here are a few relationship habits that are viewed as bad but are actually good habits to maintain a relationship.
- Letting Some Things Go
John Gottman has been studying intimate relationships for forty years give or take. Gottman linked couples to all kinds of biometric devices and recorded them having brief conversations about their issues. Then he proceeded to study the conversation frame by frame, looking at the biometric data, words chosen, body language and so forth. Finally he would use all of his data to predict whether you had a bad marriage or not.
His test concluded with a 91 percent success rate when predicting if newly-wed companions would divorce within ten years. Gottman’s seminars have been reported to have saved troubled marriages.
Gottman states in all of his books that the possibility that all couples have to communicate and fix all their issues is a myth. Most happily married couples that have been together forty plus years have consistent unresolved problems. Meanwhile the couples that are unsuccessful insist on solving every problem they have. They believe that there should be a void of disagreement amongst them, and more often than not a void will grow in the relationship as well.
You have to understand that we are all individuals and we all have different minds, hearts, and experiences. In order for you to have a successful relationship you must understand that there will be conflict. There will always be things about you that your partner doesn’t like or agree with. That is perfectly okay. You shouldn’t have to or need to change someone to love them. You also shouldn’t let a few disagreements destroy a happy and healthy relationship.
The fact is trying to resolve all your issues can often make more problems than fixing them. You have to pick and choose your battles, because some of them aren’t worth fighting.
- Accept that Your Partner isn’t Perfect
At times we like to believe that our partner is perfect, and if we know they aren’t we often try training our partner to be perfect by molding them into our ideas of perfection.
Here are a few examples of things that aren’t as complicated as they seem.
- Everyone has imperfections and flaws.
- A person has to want to change, you can’t force them.
- Therefore you must pair yourself with someone whose imperfections you can deal with or appreciate.
An accurate measurement of your love for someone is how you feel about their imperfections. A sign of great intimacy is being willing to accept or even like some of your partner’s shortcomings.
- Create Space
It happens all the time: a man meets his love and stops all of his hobbies and habits, or a woman decides she wants to be a part of everything their man is doing.
When we are in love we grow irrational desires and beliefs. We often want to allow ourselves to be consumed by who we love. This is an awesome feeling. It is darn right infatuating and intoxicating. The problem seems to arrive when we get what we want.
The only issue about consuming yourself in romance is that you lose who you are sometimes to be closer to the person you care about. Sometimes you even cease to be the person they fell in love with.
Sometimes it is good to have your own independence (at least if it’s honest). Get some space from your partner from time to time. I’m not suggesting you leave your partner or give up, but just go do something you enjoy for a little while or a couple of hours. Remember who you are and what made your partner in love with you to begin with. If you don’t maintain some space from time to time, the spark you have can die out. At times this can even cause friction within your relationship.
The truth about Happy Relationships
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